"Well you're back in your old neighborhood
The cigarettes taste so good
But you're so misunderstood
You're so misunderstood
There's something there that you can't find
Honest when you're tellin' a lie
You're hurt but you don't know why
You love her but you don't know why"

'I hope he was freestyling, cause if he wrote that, then I just feel bad.'

Ugh, 99 in Hip Hop. 2000. I wish I was there. Just for a day, just to read the current issue of the Source and be like, what the fuck is this Benzino mothafucka even tryin to say? Fuck that shit would've been awesome. Although I definitely heard 'Nail in the Coffin' in 2000. So I'm legit. "People act like Eminem tha only one sellin. Nah man.' 'He ain't takin food outta nobody's mouth, and you know I ain't on good terms with Em right now, but I gotta stick up for that, cause he worked too fuckin hard for someone to take that away from him.' Royce is right man. And also Benzino sucks balls man, fer real. 'If you talk to any rapper....we know what's going on at the Source.' I don't know why I'm rambling about this, maybe cause I'm drunk, but from memory:

I would never claim to be no,
Ray Benzino
some 83 year old fake pacino
so how can he lift me over this balcony without throwin his lower-back out
as soon as he goes to lift me,
please don't you'll probably fall with me
n our asses'll both be history,
but then again youd finally get ya wish,
cause you'd be all over the streets like 50 cent.
Fuckin punk pussy, fuck you chump
gimme a 1 on 1, see if I don't fuck you up
try to jump the ruff ryders n they cut you up,
then you put Jada on the track that's how much you suck dick in the industry,
swear that you in the streets hustlin,
you sit behind a fuckin desk at the source, butt-kissin
n beggin muthafuckaz fer guest appearances,
but you can't even get the clearances,
cause real lyricists, don't even respect you or take you serious.

I could go on, but this is the best diss song of all time, just look it up.

"They got somethin for my ass every issue, thank you, cause I keep runnin outta fuckin tissue."

One day older and nearer to my lord...

I think it's fascinating to conceptualize the idea a person making you want to live one day, and making you want to die the next, without your feelings for them even changing. The things you end up doing over someone who is simply being. At this point I try to see my emotions in retrospect, and intellectualize the worst parts of the imbalance. It's too easy to place blame. It's too simple to blame a girl for a panic attack. It's intellectually lazy. I think retrospection helps me write. When you're in the throes of obsession, burning in the initial sparks, your opinion of them and yourself and how those two personalities relate to each other is altered by a kind of stupidity called blind love. Afterwards, for me at least, you can more objectively analyze, interpret and thusly articulate your feelings and why they exist, even though you may never fully understand. This makes me think of my old man and what he might say, and I think an important lesson I haven't fully come to terms with is his ability to accept misunderstanding. Sometimes even in retrospect it's impossible to understand the way someone feels. Eventually you just realize that maybe your feelings and actions, and those of another, might not make any sense. That's because love (and it's bizarre emotional cousins, so to speak) doesn't make any sense. It doesn't adhere to geography or time structures or societal constrains. It just is. So sometimes you find yourself drunk and alone with sad bastard music on repeat, and it doesn't make any sense. But that's okay.

Rock N Roll won't solve your problems, but it'll let you dance all over em

journal excerpt (March 21st):

I drew a bead on you,
as calmly as I could
and I watched you collect yourself
in whirlwind and fire,
with the breath of revelation, caught in the thorn tree
and the death of chivalry.
But you were too scared to be real
and the stardust as such caught you there.
You were too naive to be caught,
too confused to be cajoled
With a short breath, your revelation
scraped inside each chamber
like a bullet on the bead that I drew on you.
Or when I handed you that grenade
and you said, 'Tough.'

'Quotes of the day:'

'In the midst of life we are in debt, etc.'
'She doesn't even like me, and I know because she said so.'
'The rocks below say throw your skinny body down.'
'If you're wondering why the love you long for eludes you, I'll tell you why: You just haven't earned it yet, son. You must stay on your own for slightly longer.'

'No regrets, all of my debts, will be paid when I get laid.'
'Tell the gossipers and liars, I will see them in the fire.'

'You're always late with your kisses.'

'I should warn you when I'm not well.'

'That ain't a woman, that's a girl.'

I Have Found What You Are Like by David R. Elliott

This is a country song I wrote today:

I was standin on the porch,
on my stoop, watchin mist rise,
while my baby was restin her head.
This morning I am weary,
tired eyes that barely rise,
by tonight I should hope to be dead.

And the choir voices will sing,
and my baby's golden ring,
will carry my weight
and she'll rain.

I was standin on the brink,
in a stupor, tryin to rise
while my baby was paintin her eyes.
I'll be sittin, on a break,
with a coffee, round bout 8,
with my baby on my mind
in someone's arms that aren't mine.

And the choir voices will sing,
and my baby's golden ring,
will carry my weight
and she'll rain.

For my last night I want drinks,
just to silence what I think,
The sun will just rise and I'll light up a smoke,
with my baby in bed with her heart wrapped in rope.

And the choir voices will sing,
and my baby's golden ring,
will carry my weight
and she'll rain,
til the dirt turns to mud.

So I finally found JJ's blog for good, as linked in the upper right corner of your screen. I'm not gonna lie, he's kind of a genius. The new stuff in my life, is not much, I'm still just working on this country album. Doing renditions of my own songs is wierd. It's not wierd when Willie Nelson does it, but in this case I believe it is somewhat strange. But I guess the album is kind of rendition-y anyway. I am still really enjoying the making of it though. I've been using my new yamaha acoustic/electric for it, but I might pull out the ol girl for a song tor two just to keep it real. I can't believe it took me this long to delete the link to my blog from my facebook.

This city lacks passion. That's what it's problem is. And I know/don't care that I sound like an attention needing sad sack who had a bad day, but fer real though, it's either that, or people just talk shit. Cause I've had numerous people come up to me or send me messages where they're like, 'holy shit, David R. yer so great,' or whatever, and I'm always like, awesome thanks, here's 4 albums for free. And the thing is, if there was someone I met whose music I liked enough to go up to them and express it, and they then told me I could have 4 albums of there's for free, I would be on that shit like light, and I would absorb that shit. And that' not bullshit, I did that with both Organizers albums, and pretty much everything Adam Mowery does, that dude wrote one of my favourite songs ever. I even did that with Written Axe to Trigger, which isn't even really the kinda shit I dig, but I thought those dudes were cool and that the record was good, so I repped it. And it's not just with me, the first time I went to Backstreet to see For the Sake of the Song there was a packed house and everyone had a good time, and all the sets were great, and no one showed up to the following two. Like fuck off everyone, Gord's trying to give something to the city, for fucking free, with free coffee, and no one appreciates shit. And then I read this article in here magazine (wish I had a good excuse for reading garbage) and I hear about how all these people desperately want the music scene revitalized and it's finally starting to happen with A Khord, etc. Well fuck you guys, you don't even go to free shows. There are people here who play great music (Adam Mowery, Clinton Charlton, Babette Hayward, etc. etc.) you just have to get off your ass and care. Get into it. Even when people go to shows they just fucking stand there until they get drunk enough to yell 'freebird' like that shit is still funny. And God help you if you wanna play loud music that isn't emo, metal, or borderline white supremicist gibberish punk. It's ridiculous that I could get blacklisted for playing a show exactly like the Replacements. And even when you think you're ahead and people care because you got booked on the merit of your myspace, you end up playing for 10 of your friends while a shitkicker won't shut the fuck up and let you finish your set cause he's so anxious to get on stage and play power chords and yell extremely unfunny lyrics about facebook. Fuck that. Our scene fucking sucks. Even when I was 16 there were a lot of people going to shows. Even fucking Coastline got people out to shows, despite their inability to bill interesting bands. Even Fredericton has a pretty healthy music scene that people actually care about. I've met musicians in Fredericton because friends of mine up there were so into the band. Fuck I even have fans in Fredericton and I don't even play shows there, there's just some people their who care enough about music in general, that they think it's worth their time. Thanks, btw. Plus there's no oversight, and there's no accounting for taste. In Halifax, if you play a shitty show, good luck finding another one. Or if your band just fucking sucks, then fuck off, but here you can make a pseudo bar career out of being a terrible musician in even the least important ways, let alone accounting for creativity, originality, etc. So fuck you Saint John, I'm goin to Halifax.

Life is hard, I get it. Fuck off God.

Just Call Me Lonesome or You Send Me

So here's what's coming up for March and February for me music-wise: Because I have very little to work with right now and all I really want to do is leave, I'm going to make a definitive David R. Elliott country album with cuts spanning most stages of my songwriting, and will be recorded extrememly lo-fi with the shitty guitar that I originally wrote all these old country songs on. IE, the guitar of all the drunken kitchen sing-a-longs and No Show Jones, etc. Later in the month, I'm gonna start working on a Nebraska style rendition of Don't Panic, but this will not be the last word on Don't Panic, as I have huge aspirations for what that record could become, I just wanna have the basics down for when I can meet these aspirations. In the meantime, here is the tracklist for Just Call Me Lonesome:

1 Now I Got Those Cigarettes (unreleased, summer 07)
2 Don't Be Cruel (Elvis EP)
3 Gotcha Darlin (Tuesdays)
4 Broken Cigarette (Elvis EP)
5 A Brighter Day (rendition)
6 Aged to Imperfection (unreleased, summer 07)
7 Follow You Down (new)
8 Lovin You (unreleased, summer 07)
9 That's Gold (rendition)
10 Same Heart, New Winter (Blue & Grey)
11 Two-Timin Blues (No Show Jones, unreleased)
12 Sundown N Dawn (City is Dark b-side)
13 Blue Christmas (cover)

To the haters:

Nothingsevergonnastandinmy
Nothingsevergonnastandinmy
Nothingsevergonnastandinmy way again.

So fucking goon rules losers, you can't beat em then you props em. It ain't nothin, don't make it if you no good.

And to everyone who is down, I gotchoo (at the end of the century?).

This Gun March 6th Official

So, This Gun is currently available at the link below. I think what I'm going to do in the next little while is make Blue Sky Country Gold, which will be some really old country songs redone and also a few pleasant covers and shit, just for something to do over the next little while before Halifax. So I'm thinking it will involve the following:

Aged to Imperfection
Now I Got Those Cigarettes
Don't be Cruel
Tomorrow's Gonna be a Brighter Day
Lovin You
Broken Cigarette
etc.

So, maybe I'll do that shit.

http://www.mediafire.com/file/m3mmonomyqw/This Gun Official.zip

City is Dark (Torch Songs & the Charred Remains) and Devotion in my Blood official March 5th

Now it's the Watchmen premiere, and two new albums. I will be uploading This Gun soon, and then maybe the Elvis EP, Tuesdays and Blue & Grey, and eventually a B-Sides thing.

http://www.mediafire.com/file/fojrimhmomm/City is Dark.zip

As far as a tracklist for Devotion in my Blood, I'll leave that up to y'all.

http://www.mediafire.com/file/guozjo4jihj/Devotion in my Blood.zip

sorry that city is dark was password protected, it works now.

It's late right now, but that doesn't even really seem accurate in light of my current schedule. But no matter, any complaints I've had about the recent week or so are now officially whining, because starting tomorrow I work 7 days a week. But it's no biggie (like 2Pac), I'll work with the old man like 4 days a week, and cook at the Inn 4 days a week. I guess technically it's 3 and a half days at each place. But no matter, I have Friday nights and Saturday until 7pm to myself, and that shift will be mostly eating and smoking, and I'll be able to sleep in before my afternoon shift on Sunday. And I'll get to spend the next few weeks really learning and being creative with cooking, which will be good for when I need a job in Halifax. What I'm saying is that it is doable. The point is that at the end of the month, after the bills have already been caught up, I'll have full paychecks from two different jobs, and will have therefore cleared any debt so we can just peel at the end of April, and I'll also be able to purchase a guitar, which I am in dire need of at the moment. Therefore, it's as if this mature, well-thought out planning thing of late is wiping out every concern or criticism concerning the upcoming move, and swiftly at that. This just proves what Al Pal and I were discussing earlier tonight, and that is that the only thing that truly gives life meaning, is hard work and reward. Or more specifically, legitimate earning. But not in specifically monetary terms. I know I'm being rambly, but srsly, true value in life is in the things you make an intelligent decision on, decide how you're going to achieve it, and then work whatever amount is necessary until you've earned the reward. Get up n go to work. That's gold.

Watchmen Tomorrow

This post isn't about Watchmen, but seriously, the wait is finally over. Holy shit I'm excited. Um, so I hope everyone's taking advantage of my album being free so far. We've devised a foolproof plan to launch into Halifax, and so it's merely a waiting game at the moment. In the meantime, I'm not sure what I'll be doing aside from working as a cook and a postman, and I guess playing some shows at some point. I'm currently discussing a possible fcs presents kind of thing in Freddy with me, Liz Hayward and Ben Ross. So no promise, but hopefully April. In the meantime I've posted my favourite song from the new album on my myspace and also a cover of a Jim Croce song that I like, I guess out of boredom, but I think it's pretty alright. I'm hoping to put together like a 7-person band in Halifax, so in my imagination it's quite exciting.

Crowded around your blue,
standing outside looking in,
scraping heat across the frost
of another dying winter.
In little rooms with little pictures
and a bowl of multicolored apples
gathering dust
on a kitchen table
crowded around her blue

I am out of love for you
even when in love with you.

Real love will follow you down.

Review / Free Download of 'Breaking Hearts'

http://distortdistort.wordpress.com/2009/02/28/david-r-elliott-the-novellas/

So, it's Sunday, and it's my day off, though I will be at work by 4:30am. So like, fuck these shifts right? But it's cool cause I need that green. Still can't sing since Wednesday. Too much loud rapping. Plus I'm definitely getting sick. Right now I'm hanging out with Bun and Al Pal and we're gonna eat breakfast and str8 kick it. I have no idea what I'm going to do next. I'm mostly concerned abut my job right now. I'm really into all this old eminem stuff right now. Really old b-sides and mixtape tracks and guest spots from when he would just do anything to get his name around. Lotsa tight rhymes. Ahh, 99. I've been listening to Sunken Treasure stuff so fucking much. But since I work all the time now, I've also been returning to Hank Williams, George Jones, Jacksonville City Nights, JR, etc. So I don't maybe I'll make a country record. We'll see.