PRRTY TIME

I have this thing I've noticed in recent months where I've slipped into a whole other post-drug mindset.  I've been over the drug experience for a while, hung onto weed mostly for the social and habitual aspects that I cared for on some level, but now drugs actually make me uncomfortable, and to a certain extent I don't like being around them.  And I find that I use myself as a cautionary tale, which is borderline hilarious since I've always so adamantly supported recreational drug use.  It's mainly reserved for what potheads refer to as 'real drugs,' obviously, like coke, which I particularly dislike, but I'm starting to kind of loathe MDMA/Ecstacy as well.  I don't like the upperclass, free love, me me me aspect of it, and I think it's dangerous and scary, and I recently found out that it's responsible for an alarming amount of forest destruction, which is mainly just another reason to find it to be generally deplorable.  And I've noticed a lot of negative effects that drugs have had on me, and I sort of blame my drug use partially for some of my depression and anxiety problems.  Second-hand weed smoke makes me uncomfortable and I can't tell if it's chemical or if it's just in my head, like maybe the smell puts me in a place that I recall being anxiety-ridden.  And when I watch documentaries about drugs now, watching people tripping actually makes me feel high and anxious, and I get sweaty palms and such.  

I just really dislike self-indulgence I think.  I think a little bit of self-indulgence is an important ingredient in art, but I think that true art is really just a bunch of people sharing, which I think renders the self-indulgence morally upright (to a point).  When it comes to people taking Molly and partying their ass off as often as possible because of how amazing it makes them feel I find that to be hollow and sad.  I think that's the root of my disdain for the hippie generation, and much of the art world, as far as people like Andy Warhol or Jim Morrison are concerned.  You can make arguments for them as artists but I'd argue that their focus was more on self-indulgence, which is why I don't particularly like their art.  (This is moreso about Morrison; Warhol had some pretty neat stuff!)

I can still see an argument for hallucinagens as a way to 'expand your mind' so to speak, but I think the peace found with that is false.  I think it's interesting to stretch your perception enough to allow yourself to see everyday visuals as newly stimulating and beautiful, but I also think you can achieve that in a way that isn't detrimental to your over-all mindstate, which I think it's clear that things like acid do.  In my experience it's been really difficult and enriching trying to find peace and seeing every day as beautiful, and I partly resent the idea of drugs as a shortcut.  I think it's small-minded.  And I don't like party culture.  I think it's a subculture full of selfishness, overdoses, poor decisions, rape and excuses.

That being said drugs should still be legalized.  For all the same obvious reasons.