I think my problem right now is that I've already done all the things I want to do that were/are within my means. What I mean to say is, with what I have now, there is nothing new for me to do, and that's why I've been bogged down with this idea that I'm never excited about my own work anymore. I used to be writing songs, and just constantly listening to the demos as they piled up and being pumped and thinking, 'Fuck, this is exactly what I want to be doing, and isn't something I've done before. ' Maybe I wouldn't quite articulate that in such a manner, but essentially that is how I felt. I was constantly excited because I was constantly writing and consistently conceptualizing, creating and defining something I had in mind, musically, and as much if not more important, lyrically.

I don't think that I'm necessarily not writing good songs. It's not like any of the songs I've written since I've moved to Halifax have been fucking stupid, or useless, or unlikable, really. They've been called boring once (sort of), heavy-hearted (which can be applied to most my shit, I think), and it's been said that they sound like what I've been doing anyway. Aside from that they've been recieved as 'awesome' by just as many people. So it's not like I can convince myself that my career is over and that I'm somehow past my prime at 21 (god, I hope not). But I am not doing anything that I haven't done before, and that's where I get conflicted.

I think that this is because there is nothing left for me to until I get this band going. I've done pure country, alt-country, countrypolitan, straight pop, smiths-ish pop, rappish smiths, my b-steen thing (from Nebraska to Hungry Heart), 90's radio rock, drunken 90's dirt-rock, my Kurt Cobain thing, noise-rock, sad bastard pop, my Jeff Tweedy thing, lots of Elvis things, finally a duet that ended up exactly as I wanted it to... my point is that at this point, I have to do as much as possible with this new band (I still need to do a little more Sonic Youth/Black Eyes stuff while I have my youth, and there are many other obvious things I'll be able to do in a band) but after that, all I really have left is a coherent rap album. At least one. Then maybe I'll be a guitarist for a Motorhead cover band called Killed By Death. That would be so awesome.