A Lake in a Strong Wind

It kind of looks like I'm bleeding down my tie from a slit in my neck. I fucking love this shirt. This shirt is perfect. This tie really ties these articles of clothing together, so to speak. Excellent. Fuck. My head hurts. I'm completely still, staring into a mirror in an apartment somewhere that a dude I know lives in, and I'm drunk and I'm trying not to ask myself who I am. I don't.

I don't.

I don't. 'Who are you?' Yes.

Then I do, I guess. I'm tired. I don't want to sleep here. I don't want to go home. I want to run for a little while under the dark blue crystal skies and by the river, and feel connected to anyone or anything and call my grandmother from a payphone and make plans to play cards in a small kitchen at an ancient table with sunshine everywhere and coffee and I would be sobre that day. Yes.

'Who are you?'

What does that mean, really? I'm certainly not trying to be a pseudo-existentialist. I just want to know. Genuinely and truly. Certainly and madly. Sorrowful and longingly. Et cetera. I'm so tired. I hope no one knocks.

'Who are you?'

Someone knocks. I say nothing. I say nothing. He or she knocks again. I think it's a he based on the forcefulness of the knocking, but I can't be sure, of course. Yes. He knocks again and says,

'Man, who's in there?

'Who's in there.

'Hello?! Hey,'

'Hey man, it's me, man, I'm just being sick, man.' This was the best lie to tell. 'Sorry, dude.'

'Oh, shit, man, that's cool, I just need in there. So...'

'Yeh, man, it's cool, just give me a sec.'

I eventually get out of there and try to look nauseaus but I can't figure out how to do that so it's not possibly working. I walk into the livingroom and there's three people in there and two of them appear to be sleeping and the other one is just really fucked up. He's talking quietly and being jittery and awful and looks at me intensely and it puts me on edge and I'm very, very drunk and I want to go home.

'What's goin on, man?' I say, unconvincingly.

'Huh? Huh, man? Like...Listen man, I gotta go to the hospital.'

'What man, whaddaya mean, man, yer just high.'

'I'm serious man, I gotta go to the hospital and Anne and Adam are way too fucked up, and fucking Brittany got right pissed at Adam and left and I gotta fucking go to the fucking...the...the fucking hospital, man.'

I'm very seriously pissed about this situation and I don't know who I am but I know these people even less. I'm so fucking tired. I'm drunk and I don't want to drive but if I call 911 I'll have to talk to cops, and there's no fucking way I'm doing that. I really don't know this Adam dude but he's in high school, I think, so I don't know why he's here. Why are any high school kids here? Why am I here, actually? I'm fucking twenty-one. I'm too old for this shit. I realize I just referred to being too old at twenty-one. How sad. My back hurts. I get the keys from Alex for his car.

I get into the car after throwing the fucked up teens into the backseat and head to the hospital and it sucks. I drop them off and get the fuck outta there and I go home with this other persons car and slowly drag my feet up the long staircase and to my door. I unlock three locks, stumble in, turn around and relock all of them. I turn on a lamp and sit on my couch, take off my shoes, and yawn, spinning. Spinning. I get up and get water and walk around my apartment muttering to myself about something and sipping water, trying not to spin. It's always like this and I want to get drunk tomorrow. I stand in the mirror and try to focus on parts of my face but they all fall and crumble and blur and move into and out of each other like a lake in a strong wind played in slow motion.

'Who are you?'

Um. 'Who are you?'

Isn't that a song?

We Should Buy Some Drugs

Greetings. We just got back from playing at the Interaction Kids Theater or something, where I sang the words, 'We should buy some drugs' twelve times in a song to a bunch of like, 13 year old girls. Didn't really realize what the crowd was about beforehand, but no one seemed to react at all, besides these two old ladies.

It was kind of a shitty show generally, on account of the crowd and the sound, but we were mad high. Also, I ran into the subject of Blue & Grey, and was way too high for that situation, and also fuck. But I was secretly hoping that would happen.

The Felice Brothers for life. I love my myspace, but I'm not 100% sure why. Anyway werd.

Loopy C

'Guys...I have escalated above humour.'

Pause.

Assorted Laughter.

'No, word man.'

'Man, I can make you laugh.'

'No, you can't make me laugh. I can only laugh at myself.'

'I'll make you laugh like the dickens.'

No Homo:

'But, would you do that shit with another dude?'

'Yeh man. I'd watch it.'

---------

'Back the fuck up Alex, I do not look like a tribal animal.'

when i turn 18, all i want for presents is moustaches. i want all you guys to get mustaches for me. Will you do that?

'We can just sit on a bench and drink Pilsner Light. Cause people wouldn't expect that. And I'd just be like fuck you it tastes good. its like you poured an old beer on the ground and god was like, bam, Pilsner light, and im just like, can i have some? and hes like check it.



Yeh. So generally, it's been a pretty good night, we wrote a new song, and then we bought some dopez and some sprite for our sizzurp. It was delicious and cool looking. Then an internet dude told Al Pal we might die so we all freaked out until we realized that there was really no way for that to happen. Then we all thought it was funny cause we just drank the wrong kind of shit (acetaminophen) for no reason. Then we realized maybe it wasn't that and that we were just really high. So I don't know, it was good.

My Space

So I pimped out the myspace today, two new songs, a news update thing, a show update thing, new background and profile pic, etc. So if yer intrested (dialogue) you should prolly check it out. In the meantime I'm gonna watch Juno yet again, and fuck it's great.

So I saw Cadence Weapon yesterday. That's the culmination of 12 years of lovin the fuck outta Hip Hop. Man, it was the best show ever and there is no way for me to describe it in a mere blogpost. I will say this: it went well. Also I wrote a new short story today and put it on www.freewebs.com/writingetcetera and I like it so maybe you will as well. Peep it, werd.

Listening to Wonderwall

I've been playing Wonderwall on guitar lately because it was my favourite thing to play when I was in grade ten and eleven and everytime I've listened to it it's applied to things that it doesn't really apply to but with lyrics like this who cares? The thing, though, with this song, is that I've only been able to listen to the Oasis version since last year, and obviously the Ryan Adams version is better. But, alas, I find it impossible to listen to without breakin down bitchstyle. But fuck that. I'm listening to it right now so whatever. I'm probly gonna try to keep typing though until the song is over. This is a ridiculous post. I was trying to show this song to someone in the summer and I couldn't keep listening to it and had to turn it off. But fuck that, bitches are gonna stop ruining shit for me from now on, it's my shit, and it's my shit. I can listen to Wonderwall and David Bowie if I fucking want to, and next Xmas, I'm gonna love the best Christmas music of all time. And bitches can fuck off.

Things I've Been Doing While Without Internet

- A few weeks ago I started telling people that I was working on two new albums to be finished within the next month or two. This was not bullshit. The country album has 5 tracks so far, and looks like this:
'Blue Sky Country Gold'
1) Girls at the Bus Stop
2) Across the River and Through the Trees
3) 27
4) My Mother's Eyes
5) Drinkin Some Wine (Goin Over the Hill)
And the pop album had 4 and looks like this:
'A Million Statues'
1) When Smoke Gets in Your Eyes
2) Pardon My Intrusion (That Can't Possibly be True)
3) Your Blueeyed Boy
4) A Farewell to Arms

That's right, I'm all about references now. Anyway I've been spending all my money on weed and snack foods and writing all these songs with JD and Cam, and working, and that's kind of my constant level of wutupwitmalyfeness.


- Al Pal shows up at the crib at like 2 in the morning the other day, on account of his late shifts (no homo with this whole thing, btw) and wakes me up and I'm like, 'Ugh, we need some fuckin light in this bitch,' and he's like, 'No way, man, the fuckin power's out!' and I'm like 'Whaaat?' in my best Bun impersonation, and so anyway we smoke a bowl by candlelight (I'm sorry but this requires another no homo) and go for a walk, obviously. Everything was badass as shit, most notably the burial ground and the boardwalk. Shit.


- I hit Val Vil with the old man the other day and picked up some vynil luv (Rod Stewart, Supremes, Billy Joel) and a cassette (Young MC) and some CD's (Weezer, Elvis, Space Jam soundtrack) and bought a VCR for 5 bucks and some neat shades, and a turtleneck.

- Since I got the VCR to work (I had to blow on it a lot and remove the top and clean it, and then hit it really hard) I've watched Jacob's Ladder twice, Rules of Attraction 4 or 5 times, Antz, a few Elvis movies, a home video from childhood and a home video of the band like 10 times, Ghost Dad, Super Human Samurai Syber(sic) Squad, the Power Rangers movie, The Fox & the Hound twice, and Josie and the Pussycats the movie about 6 times. The latter film made me laugh a bunch, then cry, then laugh again, then cry and laugh at the same time, then get bored. The Fox & the Hound made me sob like a bitch when she left Tod in the woods (but then he meets that hot bitch).


- Played a show at SJHS (bitches loved it)

- Went on a 'mad tear' with Al Pal to my bro's pad to run some errands and it was very aptly referred to as a 'mad tear.' We had many awkward encounters and I'll tell the bucks about them in real life.

- Read Less Than Zero twice and then wrote a ripoff of it that was pretty much just my journals written in long sentences and subtle intenseness. I dug it though, I mean, I wrote it.

- The other day I did about 7 blades right before leaving for work and I exhaled weed smoke on the west side while walking to the McDonald's for my first coffee of the day. I was way too high to be in public. I started getting really wrapped up in thinking everything as Ellis's writing.

-Yesterday I ran into two awkward girls from my past while tearin' with Al Pal and we were both really high and it was awkward as shit. Not for Al Pal though, he doesn't believe in awkward sitches (insider!!).

- I got high and went looking for Cam and/or JD at SJHS the other day and they weren't there so I spent like an hour and a half looking at shit in Loyalist City Coin and eventually bought two cassettes when the dude kicked me out (Frank Sinatra: best of the early years and a Nat King Cole collection).

- My nephew was born the day before yesterday.

- I completely stopped using my discman and now only use a walkman, and this has forced me to listen to several mixtapes of mine (Shiny Tunestation 1 & 2!) and the Head on the Door (which was alright, I guess) and Strangeways (which is good for a bunch of reasons, but I have some complaints) and this Jim Croce tape that I listened to when I was a kid, and a Young MC album (Stone Cold Rhymin').

-I've been having all these shitty dreams and the other night I couldn't sleep cause I kept getting woken up by this terrible noise that was just in my head, so I thought I was losing my mind, and there was no internet!

-Oh! I forgot this. I noticed this hilarious connection to Josie and the Pussycats that has to do with a bitch sitch, so I think it's pretty funny.

- I'm running out of things to say in songs, so I find myself trying to come up with stuff in my head while I'm walking that's so like, cliche David R. Elliott (or whatever) that it makes me lol in public. So it's pretty funny, but since I made that wine drinkin song whilst stoned the other day I think I might just start gettin high and makin up shit. New concept album! It's gon be called, 'Chronic Luv.' Look out for it y'all.

-New Lil Wayne street single is killin everyone in the game. Hardest shit out, period. (Also, 'Gettin Some Head,' is such a good fucking song.)

- Went to the ol weed spot twice today already, and it looks like I might be doin that again in like a half hour. LOLZ.

- Going to see CADENCE FUCKING WEAPON TOMORROW!!!!!! UGH!!!!!!! YEH.